Valentines/Oxytocin Day: Oxytocin, Birth, and How to Be the Ultimate Birth Partner
When we think about Valentine's Day, we often think of love, connection, and bonding—but what if we told you that there’s a hormone that plays a huge role in all of this, especially during birth? Meet oxytocin, the hormone of love, connection, and childbirth. Whether you're gearing up for the birth of your baby or simply celebrating love with your partner, understanding oxytocin and how to show up for your birth partner can make a world of difference.
What is Oxytocin?
Oxytocin is the hormone responsible for so much of the magic in childbirth. It’s often called the “love hormone” because it plays a role in emotional bonding, love, and intimacy. But it’s also the hormone that kicks off labor and helps you bond with your newborn. Oxytocin is essential for your baby’s birth—literally and figuratively—and it's even the same hormone that contributes to those magical moments of connection during intimacy. It helps bring your baby into the world and is key in post-birth bonding, breastfeeding, and keeping you calm in the process.
While it’s incredible, oxytocin does need the right environment to flow freely. That’s why being a supportive birth partner and creating a calm, safe space is so important. Here's how you can be the best partner possible when the big day arrives.
1. Be Informed, and Show Up Fully
There’s no point in mama doing all the hard work—educating herself, getting into the right headspace for birth—if her partner isn’t on board. Birth is an intense experience, and if the partner isn’t educated, it could derail the whole process. A fearful partner can unintentionally create tension or even try to rush things, like whisking mama off to the hospital at the first sign of a contraction. Birth is a big deal, and it’s so important that both of you are ready for it. That means doing the education and internal work to show up for mama when it counts. You’ve got to trust the process and be ready to support, not panic.
2. Don’t Wait to Be Asked—Take Initiative!
One of the best things a partner can do during labor is take charge without being asked. Mama shouldn’t have to tell you to get her a drink or make sure the heat pack stays warm. Be proactive! If you see something that needs doing, do it. Grab a fresh water bottle, adjust her position, or offer her some words of encouragement. These little things can keep things moving smoothly and keep mama feeling taken care of.
3. Set the Scene for Birth
When you arrive at the birth location—whether it’s a hospital, birthing center, or at home—set the scene. Labor is a primal process that requires mama to feel completely in the zone. You can help with this by taking ownership of the space. If you’re at a hospital, don’t just accept the room as-is—make it your own. Dim the lights, put a sign on the door, move the bed, whatever it takes to create a comfortable, calm environment for mama. She might not be in the position to do these things herself, so this is where you come in. Take a few minutes to get things just right before staff come in to do their checks.
4. Help Release Tension—Without the “Relax” Command
Pain during labor isn’t just physical—it’s emotional too. If mama is tense, it can intensify the pain. Sometimes, she won’t even realize that she’s holding tension in places like her jaw, shoulders, or hands. Instead of saying “just relax, babe,” which can often lead to frustration, gently touch the areas where she’s tense. This can encourage her to relax and help her manage pain more effectively. Small touches go a long way in helping her stay calm and feel more in control. Your Birth Weapon is a great tool to help with this!
5. Keep It Simple—Less Questions, More Presence
Labor is a primal process, and to keep things flowing smoothly, mama needs to switch off the logical part of her brain. Asking her too many questions—like “Does this massage feel good?” or “Should I call your mom?”—can pull her out of the zone and disrupt the natural flow of labor. Instead of overloading her with decisions, be her rock. Focus on being present and providing the support she needs in the moment.
6. Be Her Voice When She Can’t Speak Up
In labor, mama might not be in a position to advocate for herself. That’s where you come in as her partner. You know her better than anyone else, and you are her voice when she’s unable to speak up. Whether it’s asking for more time, a change in position, or simply telling the staff to hold off on anything until she’s ready, be the one to communicate her needs. Your understanding of her preferences and your ability to stand up for her will make a huge difference in her birth experience.
How to Create the Best Oxytocin-Fueled Birth Environment
Your role as a birth partner is pivotal in creating a calm, oxytocin-rich environment. From the moment labor begins, the more you can help mama feel safe, loved, and supported, the better it will be for the whole process. The presence of oxytocin in the body helps reduce pain and speed up labor, making it so important for you to be her support system. Keep things calm, peaceful, and loving, and remember that oxytocin thrives in a calm, safe environment.
Happy Valentine’s Day from &honey!
As we celebrate love and connection this Valentine’s Day, remember that oxytocin isn’t just about the intimate moments—it’s about building a strong, supportive foundation for a positive birth experience. Whether you’re a birthing mama or supporting someone else, know that oxytocin is there for you, fueling love, connection, and the incredible journey ahead.
Need some support in preparing for birth? Check out our range of products and resources at &honey, where we’ve carefully curated everything you need to empower your pregnancy, birth, and motherhood journey.